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Eric Brennan says
Because that’s where everything causes the pain and suffering. Contradicting thoughts vs environment do not come across as possible, let alone logical. But much like any other organ, the brain can have function issues. But with the contradictions, you become more isolated and feel like the world is yours to bear alone.
And that’s easily the most terrifying concept I’ve actually given serious thought to: True loneliness. Having to tackle everything by yourself and being unable to ask for anyone else, let alone get the required help.
In #3 panel is that Lily from “Sunflower”?
You’re the first to say something!
Eric Alm says
I’ve found a good way of explaining is to say that you don’t get any positive feeback. You can feel that small, separate things feel good in the moment but it never lasts and you cannot recall that feeling. When I was bad (before meds) I could have fun when meeting friends but that feeling disappeared as soon as it ended and when I tried to recall that feeling I didn’t feel any joy or positive, just numbness. If you never have that positive feedback, then why do things again, logically you can think that you had fun but you don’t believe it.
depression IS a contradiction in itself, how to explain it? easy.
depression is the fading of all that is positive, and the residency of all that is negative .. with a TWIST!
what is the twist? regardless how GOOD things “appear” to happen, the negative effects will ALWAYS override them, and once they do, they’ll keep the same level of pressure forever.
normally when you get happy or sad, the scale in your psyche changes.
now imagine a scale that was DESIGNED with a single hand on it carries ALL THE NEGATIVES, and all the positives are simply thrown to the side, THEY DO EXIST, but .. have no effect. in fact when you add positive, only negative is added, and piles , and keeps piling until the scale breaks. and once it breaks, .. suicide is the only option left.
The aspect of depression I found most painful was the disparity between being physically alive, healthy, and strong on the outside while feeling like a rotting corpse on the inside. The tension was unbearable. I kept trying and failing to feel more alive inside, and kept drawing the conclusion that the only way to resolve the conflict was to kill the outside, to literally become a corpse.
Did I mention that depression also distorts thinking and emotion, and causes people to have irrational and self-destructive ideas? Looking back at it now I think that had anyone known just how dark my thoughts were I would have been in a psych ward for several years. But I could never trust anyone enough to share my thoughts.
I get it. It is exhausting to pretend you’re normal while inside everything is hellish.
You’re right about the irrational thoughts.I recently got a bad grade on my test, and even though I could remediate it (and did), I immediately felt like a worthless failure and waste of space.
Sleeping like crap now.