Published October 27, 2019 19 Comments
Esmerelda Bohème says
October 27, 2019 at 6:52 am
This is really sad for me because I’ve had similar thoughts but also… it’s hard because we’ve had incidents on public transportation where someone ended their life and it was really horrible for the driver to witness.
They have given out “suicide help hotline” cards but mostly people just throw them on the ground; I don’t know what good it does.
Honestly I think a more useful card would be:
Call this number for coffee/tea and let’s chat.
October 27, 2019 at 6:54 am
been there, YES you see something hurrying up REALLY fast with a possibility of instant death 100% … yet your body doesn’t let you end all the suffering once and for all… nothing is wrong with you .. your time hasn’t arrived yet.
BESIDES having the driver traumatized after you are gone to the point they quit their job and get PTSD because you killed yourself using them as a tool .. makes me feel guilty for troubling them ..
October 27, 2019 at 7:01 am
This used to be me every day. I am on a medication now that has put a stop to it it is quite a relief have those thoughts shut off.
Deryck Davidson says
October 27, 2019 at 7:18 am
The thought is too relatable.
Yenni Desroches says
October 27, 2019 at 7:19 am
This is a VERY common thought process. Diagnosis wise from it I got “idle suicide ideation” it’s where you’re not really suicidal, but your brain likes to point out ways you could die instead.
Jeffery Witman says
October 27, 2019 at 11:25 am
Yenni Desroches I think of it as passive suicidality versus active. I’m always passive, even when things are “good.” It’s the rate times when I’m active that it gets put to use.
October 27, 2019 at 11:56 am
I was naming it that based on the actual diagnostic term, but Yea definitely the passive side.
Phil Bolton says
October 27, 2019 at 7:47 am
But then I remind myself that I’d just be burdening my friends with funeral arrangements and expenses.
Leiba R says
October 27, 2019 at 8:34 am
I think like this all the time.
Kai Lin Khoo says
October 27, 2019 at 9:15 am
I used to think “What the hell is wrong with me?” when imagining what would happen if I swerved into that light pole, or jumped off this really tall cliff. But like another person commented, these thoughts are actually quite common, and I read that one possible explanation is that it’s the brain’s way of assessing risk, like the way you’d look at the steam coming out of a boiling kettle, imagining how you’d burn your hand if you touched it.
To be clear, I’m not saying it’s the only explanation when people imagine situations that result in death, but I feel a lot better when I think of it as my brain running analysis on all possible scenarios to keep me safe.
Doug Keipp says
October 27, 2019 at 12:46 pm
just step out and… royally fuck up that truck driver for the rest of their life. It’s the little things that hold me back
Tomasz Gwóźdź says
October 28, 2019 at 12:11 am
Some people call suicide suicide victims cowards and weak. It takes a great strenght and courage to do it. There are days when I wish I was this strong and brave…
October 28, 2019 at 10:41 pm
Suicide isn’t an act of courage. It’s a surrender. The hard part is to keep on living, convincing yourself that life is worthwhile when you can’t feel any pleasure or sense of accomplishment, hoping things will get better when you literally can’t experience hope.
Someone set a bad example
Made surrender seem all right
The act of a noble warrior
Who lost the will to fight
No hero in your tragedy
No daring in your escape
No salutes for your surrender
Nothing noble in your fate
— from “The Pass” by Rush
November 2, 2019 at 11:21 am
Forced to disagree with you on this. Pithy lyrics don’t change the fact that it takes a considerable strength of will to take that step you completely ignore.
I can only write this now because I was too much of a coward to go ahead with plunging the knife in. That’s right; I said ‘coward’.
Because when I was finally at that stage where the suffering could end I could escape the unwinnable game I had been forced into… I was overwhlemed by the thought that I’d even manage to fuck opening my neck up and be even worse off and in even more pain.
I chickened out.
You might call suicide a surrender, and maybe it is; but tell me this: what’s the difference between a surrender one chooses, and a loss one has no choice in?
Fiona Trumitch says
October 30, 2019 at 4:21 am
Yeah, this has been me since I was really young. Like, looking back it’s especially disturbing how young. Every time I crossed a two-way road, I mentally figured out my timing and speed. I always figured out just when to go to be safe, and just when to go to be hit. It still happens. It isn’t something I can stop. If I look to figure out when to go, my brain immediately tells me when to die. Even how to make it look like an accident or to hesitate.
Really, the only reason nothing every came of it, the only reason it was nothing more than a fleeting, if constant, fantasy, was the likelihood that doing so would kill other people as well. Probably the driver. The average person doesn’t deserve that, I’m the only one on that road I want to die.
Opus the Poet says
November 3, 2019 at 4:59 am
I have lost count of the number of times I have been hit by a car or truck and survived. I still have a count on the number of cars and trucks that have met their ends against my body: 3. I have been hit by motor vehicles 3 times that I survived but the vehicle didn’t. And now you know why I don’t consider getting hit by a truck to be a reliable method of doing anything except creating scrap. The last one they figures was doing about 60 MPH in a 45 zone, in the rain. That was the only one I couldn’t walk away from as I had 3 broken bones in my left leg.
I have considered getting hit by a train, but I really don’t wanna deal with wrecking a locomotive beyond repair. Not bragging.
March 6, 2020 at 10:53 pm
Not sure how I’d rather read that last panel. As intended or that blame to myself for not having the ‘courage’ to go through with it
Diāna Winters says
June 16, 2020 at 12:14 am
All I ever really think about when out and about
Meraki Kalopsiaa says
September 5, 2020 at 5:06 am
Awh man 💭
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