Published August 25, 2019 29 Comments
Jeffery Witman says
August 25, 2019 at 5:55 am
Emilie Scanlon says
I’ve been there.
August 25, 2019 at 6:01 am
if you wish to cut off all those responsible for your mental health … leave this planet. because the human race is not compatible with your mental health
August 25, 2019 at 11:14 am
Can you elaborate?
There’s a notable difference between what the character is saying in the first panel and what you seem to be quoting him as saying.
Alana Farley says
August 25, 2019 at 7:18 am
Part of the issue is a lot of people think “toxic” means anyone who disagrees with you… and that is going to be, at some point, everyone.
Ya still have to learn to self improve. To compromise. To agree to disagree. Truth being there are toxic people out there, and they will hurt you, but if you put yourself in an ecochamber eventually you become so fragile that any disagreement is seen as toxic and very quickly you’ll loose everyone.
Fernando Langalu says
August 25, 2019 at 8:05 am
Alana Farley Wish I could have put it better myself, but this is as accurate as it gets
Susan Haas says
August 25, 2019 at 10:57 pm
Well … I kind of agree, but I think those people really have no idea what “toxic” means, and aren’t in such a precarious emotional position that they need to be selective about their contacts. Similar to how the word “triggered” has been expropriated and rendered meaningless by the haters who either don’t have PTSD or are in denial about having it.
September 18, 2019 at 3:19 am
Disagreements are not toxic. Not sure who you’ve been around or who you’re actually aiming this at (somehow I have a strong feeling you’re going on about politics and “snowflakes”), but people who want to cut people off tend to know what toxic actually is, it’s the people who are toxic who disagree with what toxic actually is. Someone who picks a fight with you every single day over anything because they like drama? Toxic. Someone who belittles you and mocks you? Toxic. Someone who treats your issues/beliefs as unimportant or stupid? Toxic. Someone who actively goes out of their way to make things harder for you? Toxic. Someone who abuses you, physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally, financially? Toxic. Someone who has little disregard or empathy for your feelings? Toxic. Someone who dumps all their problems on you, but never reciprocates? Toxic. Someone who talks down to you all the time? Toxic. Plus, we do not get to tell others what is toxic to them, that’s a personal choice, no matter what you say. If my aunt calls me a “snowflake” for being upset she hates lesbians (me) and says it all the time, that’s toxic to me and is valid, so I’m perfectly in the right to cut her off because there is no compromise there. She either has to stop calling me names and saying she hates people like me or I have to suffer hearing that stuff which makes my self confidence and mental health bad… how would you compromise on that? She only says it sometimes and I just have to learn to deal with it when she says it? That is not a compromise, especially when it can be solved by cutting her off. Might be lonely, but I won’t have someone constantly bringing me down and making me feel worse and worse every single day.
August 25, 2019 at 8:47 am
I know which is worse for me. As an introvert, being happy alone is much better!
August 25, 2019 at 12:02 pm
Introverts get lonely too. We need love, acceptance and a hug as much as any extrovert, we just don’t want all that small talk
August 29, 2019 at 10:38 pm
I learned long ago that loneliness has nothing to do with the number of people around you. The most profoundly alone I ever felt was in the midst of people I knew.
Felis Dee says
August 25, 2019 at 10:09 am
The worst is when those toxic ppl are part of the family you’re born into. It’s hard to draw boundaries and extricate yourself from the family without looking bad to everyone. Especially if the family tells lies to everyone else to make you the bad guy. And in the short term, it really sucks and it feels like you’re alone. It took me almost 10 years after distancing myself from a toxic family member to recover mentally from the whole ordeal. But I’m in a much better place now, and I can say that it was probably the best decision I could have made for myself in the l long run.
Robyn Engelman Maislin says
August 26, 2019 at 3:24 am
Yes. As a therapist, I fully support this. It *is* hard, but you can recover from it.
Reina Maxine says
August 27, 2019 at 3:56 am
Every time I’ve had either more severe depressive moods or suicidal thoughts, it’s always “Think about how your… family will feel” (either as supportive or shaming). And my first reaction is either “and?…” or “good” because they’re the main reason why I have them.
Esmerelda Bohème says
August 25, 2019 at 11:18 am
Well either way you’re going to be miserable you may as well get used to it now I have also had to learn the hard way to accept this.
Kris Bowles says
August 25, 2019 at 11:23 am
I feel like part of the message of this comic is “It is currently a part of mainstream global society to be toxic to people with mental illness,” and a lot of people are either deliberately ignoring that, or gleefully demonstrating it for us in the comments here.
That’s the take-away I got: That once you start recognizing behavior that is damaging to mental health, you will find it just about everywhere. And even with your best personal efforts, if society/culture as a whole don’t change, it’s practically impossible to actually heal or improve.
And society, of course, will insist nothing can be done. Change is impossible. “Just get used to it.” Etc… etc… etc…
December 12, 2020 at 9:26 am
If I have a mental state that makes me feel being damaged everywhere, whose fault is it? Society for not corresponding to my needs? Mine for not corresponding to society or to reality? Both for simply not being compatible with each other? It’s easy to point the finger at the other party, but I have to acknowledge how doubtfilled I am in my pain. Who is in the wrong and who is in the right when I feel damaged? Perhaps no one. Perhaps by lashing out at the others or at ourselves we hope that the night in our souls will end.
Perhaps, one day…
Jesse Hart says
August 25, 2019 at 5:05 pm
Cornell Ashellah vielleicht der Grund warum du solche Probleme hast toxische Leute loszuwerden? 🤔
August 25, 2019 at 7:09 pm
Being miserable with them is far far worse than being miserable without them…. they will spend time infecting and interfering with your life, presuming they know better about how you feel or how you want to feel.
Then you get the vermin social workers who get the power to dictate that you do “it” their way…
Nope, FAR better to be alone.
Samin Mark Urquelle says
August 26, 2019 at 1:54 am
When blood relations are a part of that toxicity and fear/guilt/shame is used to keep you in contact with them, this is all too real. Living this right now and it’s one of those things that’s making family quite the four letter word for me now. #opinion
August 26, 2019 at 11:49 pm
The pain is real
August 27, 2019 at 3:46 am
The irony is when the ones that preach cutting toxic people out of your life are the same ones that tell you how [said toxic person(s)] can’t really be that bad. I know it’s “that” bad. I recognize the detrimental changes to me that only occur when said person(s) are/were involved. And now I have 1+ more people I have to further isolate myself from while adding their names to a disappointing list of “people not to trust with my mental health issues because they won’t have your back with non-hypothetical toxic people”.
Chase J.D.K says
September 2, 2019 at 10:33 am
I have a problem. I’m Autistic (High Functioning) and I’ve been diagnosed with what my psych has narrowed down to Bi-polar or Major depression and am currently on a BI-polar med. For awhile I just kept everything in. As a “man” in society, that is what media taught me. I exploded in my last years of High School, we thought I needed a “break” of me doing nothing and I only got worse because I never got help.events happened, I stopped being able to see help right before we could a decision (and a treatment) on my physical symptoms, life slap. life slap, and now my family is stuck living with my verbally and emotionally abusive grandmother (Two rooms, one for her, another for the three of us). My family is great. But we don’t know what to do with me and her about this compulsive liar with a power complex (why she wants us here). The Advice I’ve been given hasn’t worked, and being unable to see a therapist and psych hasn’t helped (Texas medicaid forced third party). I’m sick, so I don’t think I could respond (at least not orderly), but I’d appreciate if y’all could offer anything. Before we lost our place I was trying meditation. Thank you very much in advance, and I guess the TLDR: is that I’m trapped with a toxic and horrible person in order to survive right now and I don’t know what to do.
Broken Being says
September 3, 2019 at 8:02 am
I was on the other end of that — I didn’t mean to hurt this girl, but her mom thought I made her depressed. I don’t get what I did to deserve that, but I’m allowed to talk to her or even be in the same friend groups as she is. I lost most of my friends and, since I got kicked out of some group things, deemed myself a toxic person. Now, I’m too scared to make friends because I don’t want to hurt them.
September 18, 2019 at 3:51 am
You might have toxic tendencies and I don’t say that to be mean, but sometimes we just do. If you try therapy that might help you work through those toxic behaviors so you won’t hurt others. You’re not broken because you have toxic tendencies, you’re human; you just need to work on them. That’s all.
Fatima A. Athar says
September 8, 2019 at 6:47 pm
In my experience, it was worse being miserable with them. I could actually heal and hold on to every gain I made instead of them pushing me back to square one all the time. Eventually I got over the loneliness, they were no longer actively hurting me and taking up time that would eventually be filled by non-toxic relationships. It was amazing.
When that drip drip dose of toxicity finally shut off, I truly thought my life had become drier for it and then in small ways that I didn’t notice for years at first something better finally grew in the ground that was no longer constantly poisoned.
September 18, 2019 at 3:02 am
I’m really feeling this right now. Just went through a breakup with a very toxic person; I needed to be out of that situation because I was miserable, but I miss them so, so much because even though they were bad, when things were good, they were the only person who listened or seemed to care and I felt loved for once. I also need to get away from my family because they’re toxic and literally make me feel like killing myself almost every day, but they’re really all I have. I don’t have any friends because I’m always too overwhelmed and feeling depressed from being around my family to even try and make friends. So, if I leave my family I’m all alone, not to mention I don’t even make enough money to leave my family, so I’m literally stuck. It’s easy to tell people to leave toxic situations, but it’s really hard to be mentally ill and have absolutely no one. People ask why people stay in abusive relationships, this is a HUGELY overlooked reason.
Shanah Bachmann says
September 22, 2019 at 6:53 am
It is definitely worse being miserable with them because at least being miserable alone you can be comfortably numb and geti nto a routine of self care without any distractions or sidtracks.
October 1, 2021 at 8:24 am
the snail listening is so cute
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