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Evan J Sanders says
This exact issue played a major part in my last relationship falling apart. It hit hard seeing it here. Thank you.
I’m sorry to hear that. I hope better days are ahead.
Leslie Alexis says
Lani Chisnell says
Yup. This happened to me too
Mikael Dahlqvist says
Mental health issues is the modern day Leprosy
Indeed, and in a time where it’s “cool” to act like you’re depressed and wanna die on the the internet, actually being depressed and wanting to talk about it is still so taboo
Kristian Williams says
This is the sort of thing that killed one of the most treasured friendships I’ve ever had.
thanks for the new post Clay … this is very relatable
Samin Mark Urquelle says
You paint it like it’s a horrible thing to do, but you don’t have the right to burden other people with your problems against their will. Keeping boundaries is healthy. They may not be equipped for that, and they may have their own issues. Go to someone who’s ready to take it, and better yet, knows how to help.
You paint it like it’s suggesting people go up to random strangers and tell them their problems. It’s a METAPHOR for people who need to reach out for help but are being swept under the rug. The fact that you got defensive over this is telling,
To be sort-of honest here…. being depressed often “infects” other people – sometimes the talk doesn’t help you. it just creates another depressed person.
The world is shit and getting shitter by the day – many people develop the ability to ignore the ordure they walk through in life, others see it and it affects them.
Talking about it just infects those who can then no longer ignore it (because the talk highlights it, makes it noticeable even through the brain-filter).
And then there’s the twin demons of Patronisation and Authority, that latter the worst of all because some arsehole with more power than brain cells (yeah, looking at you social services verminous shit stains) decides that your depression is “a danger” to you or your family and either takes you away from them or takes them away from you….as if that’s going to help?
Better to not talk about it at all = no “infection” of others, no patronisation from Miss Society, and not having to deal with those utter arseholes in the social services.
I haven’t felt “talking about it” helped me at all, usually the opposite. Indeed it just probably makes the another person feel bad too, while I “gain” nothing.
I wish my boyfriend would talk to me about his depression. He just kind of ignores it and that makes me so sad.
mackie stingray says
The silencing effect of feeling like this is something you’ll cause in others is something I’m feeling right now. I hadn’t quite put it into a real sentiment until I read this. Thanks.
This is my deepest fear. Depression is a balancing act; its a fight to stay positive while sometimes needing to externalize baseless dark thoughts I’ve ruminated on just so they don’t convince me they are fact. I’ve accepted that you can only talk about it with a few close loved ones and even then, you must avoid tipping the scales too much about mental health and focus on the positive aspects of life, even though you have to fight with every fiber of your being to do so.
Those with depression know that we can never expect our loved ones to solve all of our problems. Our friends/family/partners are not therapists, well for most of us. Its difficult to accept that they cannot save us and we feel guilt being alive and exposing them to this struggle. However, they can make a difference and if they’re meant to be in your life, they’ll have the capacity to listen to you. Just show the same empathy and listen to them as well! Sometimes our anxieties or depression involve them or they could offer perspective that can also transform our mindset. A support system won’t solve everything but it really does help.
If someone does not want to listen about your mental health, it does not make them a bad person; it just means you cannot share that aspect of yourself with them and thus, they won’t know you on a deeper level as a friend. That doesn’t mean they’re a bad friend or you should stop being their friend. Some friends you only watch movies with, some friends you only attend art class with, etc… Sometimes the level of friendship remains at a shallow level or in a limited sphere and thats normal from what I’ve seen.
There are many layers of depth a friend can have and this is like a cross roads where the relationship turns superficial and dims down or the only connection you have left is sharing a common interest and you both spend time together involved in only that for the most part. Not all friendships have or will be deep so cherish the ones that are.
and its the people that do this, that say they want to talk and cannot seem to put aside their being uncomfortable or stepping out of their comfort zone are what add to all the stigma. it causes me to want to loathe people more….even though i wouldn’t act on it.
J Lo says
Lol reminds me of my ex. “I’m always here for you. I do understand” and “stop feeling sorry for yourself and wallowing in self pity”.
It’s why I don’t reach out and talk to more people [I know] about this. I’m usually ignored, a few times it’s dismissed, or they eventually become sick of me complaining. So it all sounds less than believable that they would be upset or their “lives will change forever” should I die. The problem solved itself.
My husband told me that not too long ago. He was the one person I trusted enough to tell everything too. I guess its too much for him. But now having to pretend I’m ok around him too, i’m just so tired.