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Story/Art © 2017 Clay

379 "What if I don't recognize myself?"

Recurring Characters

Published January 20, 2018 40 Comments

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Comments

  1. Tomasz GwóźdźTomasz Gwóźdź says

    January 20, 2018 at 5:46 am

    Yeah, it also scares me. Take a pill and feel better. Can’t imagine myself taking them even If I need to.

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    • clay says

      January 20, 2018 at 6:10 am

      Well, it’s more like you take a series of pills and it gradually gets better. And it’s less of a “feel better” than “being less mentally fatigued and be able to get things done”. I’ve used anti-medications during some difficult periods of my life, and they helped tremendously. The stigma against meds is pretty strong and I think it stops a lot of people from getting help.

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    • Agarax says

      January 24, 2018 at 2:01 am

      In my case the antidepressant didn’t so much make me feel better as prevent me from feeling my worst. Normally my emotions would tend toward an utterly dark abyss and stay there for hours while I thought about various ways to kill myself. The drug prevented that from happening, leaving me free to think about more positive things.

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  2. Beatriz La Que DibujaBeatriz La Que Dibuja says

    January 20, 2018 at 5:55 am

    I think that’s why you take pills combined with therapy, so you’re able to identify that

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  3. Dana SeilhanDana Seilhan says

    January 20, 2018 at 6:42 am

    When they work. When you don’t need to keep changing them. When you have made absolutely sure nothing’s going on with your health to change your brain function, as both bad diet and the metabolic syndrome spectrum, including type 2 diabetes, can do.

    If only medical providers cared enough to check.

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  4. Kitty says

    January 20, 2018 at 6:59 am

    I was scared of medication for the longest time, too. Had these exact same fears, that it would change me into someone that isn’t me. Then I realized I was self-medicating with alcohol and already trying to change my brain. So I thought I may as well take something safer and more likely to help, rather than drinking to try to make my brain be quiet and numb my feelings.

    Long story short, first medication I was on wasn’t a good fit. Switched a year or two later to something else that works a lot better. It’s like…I had spent over half of my life in this constant haze and didn’t realize how bad it was until I was thinking clearly and felt…normal. When I hadn’t felt “normal” since I was 12. It really is a huge relief when you find the right meds.

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  5. Evan J SandersEvan J Sanders says

    January 20, 2018 at 8:36 am

    One of the reasons I DON’T tale anti-depressants. They steal all your emotions, not just the ones fueling your depression.

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    • depression comixdepression comix says

      January 20, 2018 at 9:02 am

      Anti-depressants don’t “steal all your emotions”, it’s one of those myths that keep on getting recycled. Here’s an informative article on the facts of taking anti-depressants: https://www.webmd.com/depression/fears-and-facts-about-antidepressants#1

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      • Paul says

        January 20, 2018 at 10:08 am

        The last med I was on filled me with apathy. Call it what you want. It affected me enuf to get off it.

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    • Evan J SandersEvan J Sanders says

      January 20, 2018 at 9:13 am

      depression comix I’m sorry, I was speaking from personal experience, not from any overarching negativity to anti-depressants. I’ve experienced a pronounced suppression of emotional response on several different anti-depressants, enough that I worried for my own safety. They can be effective for others, but I haven’t responded well to them.

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    • depression comixdepression comix says

      January 20, 2018 at 9:48 am

      I can understand emotions being suppressed, it’s an incredibly unnerving feeling, and for me it was like static in my brain. My first experience with meds was much like that and it scared me from taking them for years (and I even did a strip based on that) but my second experience with a different doctor was much better (I was pretty desperate the second time around). Also, I am fortunate to be in a medical system where I can change medicines and doctors without much expense. Everyone’s milage may vary, I guess.

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  6. Dee TakDee Tak says

    January 20, 2018 at 8:42 am

    The addiction to misery and familiarity is real. Thanks Clay.

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    Reply
    • depression comixdepression comix says

      January 21, 2018 at 8:51 pm

      Thank you too!

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      Reply
  7. Dana WolfeDana Wolfe says

    January 20, 2018 at 9:01 am

    It never lasts, for the first month they work, then they work a little, less, then a little less than that. In six months they make it worse. 🙁

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    • depression comixdepression comix says

      January 21, 2018 at 8:53 pm

      It’s possible for you to get acclimatized to a drug and it gets less effective. If you’re taking meds and the drugs don’t work the same as they used to, it’s really best to talk to your doctor about it.

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    • Dana WolfeDana Wolfe says

      January 22, 2018 at 2:44 am

      depression comix I have. She says she is out of ideas. 🙁

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  8. Hannah McLainHannah McLain says

    January 20, 2018 at 10:13 am

    My meds have made it so I can finally draw the comics i should have been drawing 20 years ago but I couldn’t because I was too busy being depressed and crazy. It didn’t kill my creativity at all, it made it so I could actually follow through on my ideas. It’s been so worth it.

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    • depression comixdepression comix says

      January 21, 2018 at 8:47 pm

      Portions of this comic series were also done under the “influence” of meds, and I’m proud to report I never missed a deadine.

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  9. Burcu AnslaBurcu Ansla says

    January 20, 2018 at 12:19 pm

    Scutty Lee

    Reply
  10. Felis DeeFelis Dee says

    January 20, 2018 at 1:02 pm

    I’ve been reading interesting studies (peer reviewed and verified!) recently about how therapists are noting that taking small doses of MDMA can actually help in talk therapy sessions (particularly group therapy or couples therapy), and others about the discovery (study still at early stages) about how a chemical compound in mushrooms may help slightly reverse the brain malfunctions that result from/in depression if used in a controlled setting. It’s early days yet so more research needs to be done before commercial and wide-spread use can be recommended… and in the proper care of a specialized MD… but there’s hope over the horizon…

    Reply
    • Jenny Islander says

      January 21, 2018 at 3:10 am

      Saw a mention in Natural History of a double-blind study in which saffron (Crocus sativus) petals (not stigmas) appeared to be as effective as Prozac but with fewer side effects. There’s more happening all the time.

      Unfortunately, I have idiosyncratic reactions to many drugs that act on my central nervous system. Acetaminophen, for example, makes me drunk. Given the rare but potentially extremely drastic known side effects of common antidepressants, I’m just out here living with who I am and giving myself as much supportive care as I can…maybe someday there will be a saffron petal extract for me, but until then, I read here and just keep on keepin’ on.

      Reply
  11. Emma EwadotterEmma Ewadotter says

    January 20, 2018 at 3:53 pm

    For me, the meds helped me out of the pit of despair that made it impossible to create anything. It made it possible for me to take up things I couldnt do for years and today I’m more productive than I’ve ever been. We all respond differently to chemicals so I get that I’m one of the ”lucky ones” but medication could be the best thing to happen to a person.

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  12. FML says

    January 20, 2018 at 4:52 pm

    I have taken a lot of different meds over the years. Some worked better than others but all of them were underwhelming. About two years ago I found the right combination and felt better than I ever had. Over the last several months it has been a steady return to my normal. My doctor gave me a referral to a local treatment resistant mood disorder clinic where this coming Tuesday I will get the sales pitch on the wonders of ECT. Even though I have read a lot about it, it still scares me more than any of the meds. I just want to feel less bad but I feel like it is a lost cause. I guess I will know next week just how desperate I am.

    Reply
  13. Liz says

    January 20, 2018 at 6:10 pm

    I can relate to this as I have felt the same in the past. But as I found, they don’t take away your personality, instead they help you to get through the dark times.

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  14. Opus the Poet says

    January 20, 2018 at 7:40 pm

    Currently trying to find a med that works and has side effects I can tolerate.

    2
    Reply
  15. Ludwig FranzenLudwig Franzen says

    January 20, 2018 at 10:50 pm

    I feel that it is also important at this time to point out that Clay’s work with Depression Comix is truly and thoroughly lovely.

    1
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    • depression comixdepression comix says

      January 21, 2018 at 8:46 pm

      Thank you ☺️ I really do want to become a better artist.

      1
      Reply
    • Ludwig FranzenLudwig Franzen says

      January 21, 2018 at 11:03 pm

      I think you are. I can see the changes, from the earlier strips to the newer ones. Although it is hard to point out, improvement is constantly evident.

      1
      Reply
  16. Nayda says

    January 22, 2018 at 1:30 pm

    I’ve been trying for a few years to find meds that work and don’t give me bonkers side effects. First time taking anything was scary but now it just seems kind of hopeless because nothing ever changes.

    Reply
  17. Anonymous says

    January 22, 2018 at 7:03 pm

    Well, time to tell my story again, I guess. I had some antidepressants, because I couldn’t cope. And after taking them for a bit, I got to experience some nice dissociation. I was still sad and depressed. But there was another me who I got to watch, who did the things I wanted to do, did them better than me, and smiled sometimes, and people said it was nice things were working. But it wasn’t me. It was some actor in my body. And I was a ghost, watching.I couldn’t even stop taking the pills, because it wasn’t up to me. The guy using my body took them. Until he forgot. Shudder.
    I almost killed myself right away, because the only thing worse than being depressed is knowing you might not be ABLE to kill yourself and escape. Managed to stop myself from doing that. Tossed the pills. Will never try medication again.

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  18. Glen says

    January 22, 2018 at 9:40 pm

    They absolutely work well for some, but for me they were either a disaster or worked well…except for the permanent, insidious damage they did to my nervous system. If, after this much time and this many different meds, they couldn’t find something that worked for me, then it’s over. I’m a human, not an experiment that can be reset when it doesn’t go right. I now permanently have “brain zaps” and SPD. Please understand what you’re getting yourself into when you agree to try meds.

    Reply
  19. Esmerelda BohèmeEsmerelda Bohème says

    January 23, 2018 at 3:38 pm

    Ugh. Pills… yeah make sure they don’t turn you into a zombie. ?

    Reply
  20. LP says

    January 23, 2018 at 6:26 pm

    Thanks for this, Clay. I’m transitioning from one anti to another in hopes of improvement. It was a struggle to make myself ask because I was afraid for these exact reasons in the comic. Approaching week 2 now and hoping for noticeable improvement soon… Like so many comments have said, I just want to get to the point where I can create again.

    Reply
  21. Emily says

    January 30, 2018 at 7:05 pm

    I’m a bit sad to see so many anti-meds comments here, but I guess that’s expected – medication pretty much saved my life, I was completely unable to function and just thought about killing myself every single day, taking antidepressants didn’t make me “better”, but it gave me a bit more energy to get up in the morning and keep my life running.

    1
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  22. Opti Miserablic says

    February 19, 2018 at 3:46 am

    My meds brought me back, tenfold. They brought so much “me” back I didn’t know what to do with it at first. But I’ve never been as creative as I was before the last depressive episode I had, and it’s been like 5 years. Obviously that’s brain or personality damage from the depression, I really don’t think my meds did this, and when I’m off my meds I don’t get “it” back anyways. But DARN I miss it sometimes…

    Reply
  23. Jim says

    April 16, 2018 at 3:44 pm

    I guess you need to find the drug for you.
    I’ve been taking pills most of my adult life, Sertraline and such, and I never looked at it as some kind of sos helper, just another part of my morning routine: wake up, wash my face, brush my teeth, take the pills, drink tea and so on.

    But then again, different people – different situations (and personalities).

    Reply
  24. Manuel MonrealManuel Monreal says

    August 5, 2018 at 9:44 pm

    So the depression is apart of you

    Reply
  25. MaahHeim says

    July 14, 2020 at 7:47 am

    I was one to just go and swallow pills to feel better. But from time to time I refused to take them because I thought they “changed me” to suit what other people wanted… It’s hard to know that your illness and you are different things.

    Reply
  26. Patches says

    March 15, 2021 at 12:12 pm

    But what are you supposed to do if the Darkness is what you’ve become?

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Nur eine kleine Pille – Mein Traum vom eigenen Buch says:
    January 21, 2018 at 4:03 am

    […] werfen wir zunächst gemeinsam einen Blick auf den Comic, um den es mir heute geht. In diesem bekommt eine junge Frau ein Rezept ihres Arztes. Er […]

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