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Thousands of dollars in many fulfilling things I used to be able to do, more than a hundred grand in education…all rotting because of “it”.
Been fighting to keep “able to use video games” levels of function. (The meds REALLY help there.) Have no chance of getting back to where my work experience is going to be useful again. Hadn’t even thought about the “waste” there. Meh, I didn’t know then, and I’d had a couple brushes with inadequate healthcare. It’s not my fault I failed.
Actually, fuck it. I got through a bit over a year of college, and held a full-time job for 2 full years without treatment. Yes, things fell apart. I got a lot worse, and now I get ptsd and anxiety issues… But what waste there was, it’s not my damn fault. I tried to get help. I did my best. And I survived.
Fuck the sunk cost fallacy. We spent a fuckload of time and effort in things we can’t do now. So what? Tastes change. Maybe some of it’ll be outlawed next year. We got *something* out of it. We got what we got, and nobody knows the future. Housing bubble burst, and that cost a lot of people a lot of money too. Fek it. What can we do *now*? 🙂
Damn Clay, back at it with the relatable comics ?
I relate to this. My best friend and I were talking just last night about how I don’t write any more
This suddenly got way too real for me… How can you draw, and then post something like this, Clay, you monster. Here I was, thinking you had mellowed out, lost the edge, but you really got me good with this one. Bravo.
I really appreciate all your work, man.
don’t geddit
What don’t you get? If you’re looking for a joke, this is the wrong comic for that.
ain’t lookin for a joke. i don’t really get the message of that strip. crafts don’t necessarily need to be skillfull to be considered as art. especially the prinitive crafts can carry a lot of meaning and passion https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wry9G6rcdQw
the message is depression can rob you of enjoying the things you used to in subtle ways, in this case making you lose that feeling of inspiration and curiosity about things, and instead making you feel inferior and unable.
I also see it this way: when you’re in an upswing, maybe you amass creative supplies and start projects, make connections… but when you start to slide down into a depression the self-blame makes you feel like your supplies, your talent, your sense of place in society and your self-worth, is in a state of decay. But it’s not true- it’s your depression lying to you- your talent is still there and so are the things and the people that matter to you♡
I was like this with music but now I’ve shut the world out and have time to work. ?
Ouch! This one really hits close to home for many of us. I have been struggling with trying to get back to my own creative projects, but it really is difficult to get past that feeling of inadequacy.
Not to mention the total and utter lack of energy to get anything done. Some days I’m lucky to have one spoon to work with.
I hear that. And the fewer spoons one has to get mandatory things done with, the more depressed one gets at ‘wasting’ them on something one feels inadequate at.
Nailed it again, dude.
Totally explains why I haven’t listened to live music in years. Kills me to see other people creating music when my skills have atrophied to nothingness.
This hit real close to home. When I’m depressed, I can’t create anything and reading published things or news of some celebrity being published makes me feel even worse. I’ve supposedly got this gift with words, but what good is it if I’m not producing anything? If writing doesn’t bring that spark to my soul that it used to?
I can relate. I have thousands of dollars in instruments and amplification that collect dust. And have been collecting dust for years.
I don’t think I’m quite up to “hundreds of dollars’ worth of art supplies”, but… yeah, otherwise, that’s me to a tee.
… AHHHHHH… You even used my most common username as her actual name. And she resembles me. And who knows how much I spent on pens and colored pencils at one point plus all of the art books that I couldn’t bear to get rid of. (The books definitely kick it up to over 100 bucks; I have roughly one whole shelf devoted to them. Regardless of the discounts I got, your average art book is about 20-25 bucks.) o_o;
I haven’t drawn much in years. Thing is, I know that I really just need to take life drawing classes and do a bunch of practicing on still life, photos, and perspective to get better, but it’s kind of soul crushing to know that I’m terrible and how far I have to go just to get remotely decent. All I’ve ever done well was shitty little cartoony people at best. And I once wasted time and money on a computer animation course at a tech school before I realized that I just can’t deal with the competition in the industry or be willing to move to anywhere to make it worthwhile. Plus that was so many years ago that even if I suddenly decided I wanted to be an animator again, then I’d absolutely have to learn the programs all over again (new editions plus forgetting everything from before) and just… All so overwhelming and I can’t be motivated, even though I could theoretically learn at home.
I do however still enjoy going to the art museum sometimes. I love seeing other people’s art in general… I have multiple folders on my computer dedicated to tons of artwork that I’ve found on the internet (plus a thousand reference photos because I always think maybe someday…) When I compare myself to other artists (especially if they’re already amazing and younger than I am), it makes me spiral, but when I can simply appreciate it, I still love art. The same holds true for animation, computer or digital and hand-drawn.
I love writing too but it’s hard to stay at it. No one IRL cares, so I don’t have any real support behind me (same for the art honestly) and I either drop out of a fandom before I finish most fanfiction or if it’s something original (so to speak) then I get bogged down trying to sort it out until it goes nowhere. I wanted to try Nanorimo this year but I had to move shortly before the month began and by the time I had some time the urge was gone again. Plus I started two stories before then and those ended up stalled and it just… I dunno.
Creativity is so hard. I admire the fact you keep producing this comic on a fairly regular schedule and with new thoughts to explore the same theme. Although sometimes seeing these comics just kills me a little inside, it’s always so nice to know some people understand (even if not all of the details apply to me.) It also kinda shows how far I’ve come. It’s really rough some days, but I think I’ve gotten better at fighting the brain rats. I like to think so anyway.
Thank you for making these.
All the characters in the comic have bird names. At one point I was going to do a spinoff comic called “Three Little Birds” but I kept on naming the characters after birds anyways. It was a neat little way about learning about them, and trying to find the “right” name for a character. Dove is a lovely name and I’m glad I now know someone who has that name.
I know what you mean. I started drawing because I loved doing it. I think everyone starts off that way. Then it hit me how little I know and how difficult it would be to continue it. I saw people I knew reach success, improve, while I was stuck behind still trying to grasp the basics. I began to hate my own work as evidence as how little I knew, and soon saw other people’s work not as a learning opportunity but also as evidence for how little I knew. I lost that initial love for doing what I did, and soon began looking at what little I had accomplished as a colossal waste of time.
Today I am fortunate in that I have other things in my life that I derive personal joy from, so my failures in art don’t feel like failures in life like they did before. But I do remember clearly those times when it felt that I had gone as far as I could go and the roads ahead of me were closed. It took me a long time to re-find the love I had for drawing. I hope you find it again too.
I never noticed that before! I might have to go through the archive and start looking for their names now. Er, but it’s not my IRL name though. I use it a lot online, and I know a lot of other people use it online too. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s a given name for some of them. I think Dove is a lovely name as well (as you can tell, haha.)
I guess that’s my real problem… I just have to find other things to enjoy too, so I don’t put so much importance on it. I think I can do that with writing sometimes. I set out about fifteen years ago, intending to get better at it. I don’t know where I am though. Almost no one will give me feedback, so it’s hard. I just keep plucking away at it over time. I go through bouts where I don’t want to write anything and then have a furious bit of inspiration for about a month or so… then slip back into doubt and avoid it for awhile. It’s hard focusing on one thing to.
I even tried doodling some character designs for some OCs from a fanfic I returned to a few months ago. I dunno… Hopefully some day I can re-find that love and fully enjoy both writing and art without as much fear holding me back. 🙂
I wanted to say thank you for continuing to make these comics. It’s through finding them a few years ago that I realized I had depression. (and later got officially diagosed with it) This one hit close to home as someone still struggling with trying to create my own things.
Er, forgot to add, I know this wasn’t inspired by me or anything. (I’m pretty average looking and it’s not as if you know me.) I was just surprised at how close you got, hence my previous comment. ^_^;
No worries. I try to draw more or less generic characters for this comic. I wanted characters who might be in your life but not really notice their depression. If they resemble people in real life, then I’ve done my job, I think.
Week ago seeing this comic made me think of things I’ve done and what how I perceive my creations, The message felt real and close, with today’s (8th december) comic, it feels too real and too close.