depression comix

Story/Art © 2017 Clay

267 "Every person, every failure, every negative thought ... "

Published 31 Comments

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English
PANEL 1:
CAPTION: Every person, every thing I ever lost, I keep a small part close to my heart to remind me of what is gone.
PANEL 2:
CAPTION: Every failure, real or perceived, I nurture so I can feel shame even when I have no reason to.
— AUGH! That thing I did in 2009 … why the HELL did I do THAT?
PANEL 3:
CAPTION: Every negative thought I recycle to ensure that nothing positive can ever get through.
— Hey!! Good (work!)
— EHHH… IT WAS ALL CRAP.
PANEL 4:
— If anyone knows how NOT to do this … I’m ALL ears.
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Comments

  2. Giving an advise on this is like giving that Monopoly money…
    But for me it’s like accepting I’m a failure and was a failure and will be a failure and since I accept that then why should I stress about it? I did stupid things, I will do them again. Deal with it, other people. Deal with it, my inner self.

    Reply

  10. I’ve been here – spent most of my life here in fact. One thing that helped me A LOT… thinking statistically. I used to apply negative terms to myself based on just a handful of – or even a single – actions. But instead of thinking of just those times that I’ve been – for example – selfish, I also remember that there are times when I’m not selfish (times I have made time/money/emotional sacrifices for others, times I’ve supported a friend or stranger…) and it comes down to percentages. Yes, sometimes I act selfishly (everyone does), but it’s maybe 20% of the time. The majority of the time, I am NOT selfish. Mean? The instances in which j have been mean really stuck in my mind, but when I think of all the interactions throughout my life, I am much more often kind than mean and then maybe sometimes I’m just neutral. Still difficult for me to make a blanket statement that I am unselfish and kind, but I am now able to say “I am GENERALLY kind/unselfish/smart/good mom…” and so on, all the way through the faults I used to list off day after day.

    Reply

  12. I’ll hit some thought about something dumb from thirty years ago and I’ll spontaneously say, or yell. “I SUCK!” I’ve tried to stop and focus on the cause every single time, and realize it for what it is, it can help, but not very much and not very often.

    Reply

    • I wish… I was on Prozac and it was great…then it just stopped working…and I was on Effexor, but it gave me horrible side-effects that are still happening even almost a year later. Dreading even trying anything else especially when I can’t even be sure it’ll work.

      Reply

  22. I’ve heard that people with eidetic memory find it to be more of a curse than a blessing. Being able to recall with perfect clarity every stupid, thoughtless, or mean thing you’ve ever done or that anyone has ever done to you is a kind of hell.

    People with depression tend to remember the negative and forget the positive, while those without it tend to do the opposite. If only there were a simple way to switch from one to the other.

    Reply

  24. I have been doing this since I was 9 years old. Really wish I could find a way to make it stop. While it is a relief to know I am not alone, I still feel guilty for finding relief in other people suffering the way I am.

    Reply

  25. One thing I found helpful: Gratitude. Asking myself “what am I grateful for today?” and scanning my memories of the day. It takes me a while to come up with anything, since my mind keeps coming up with negatives first, and sometimes it’s just “I eventually made it out of bed today”, but it adds up.

    Reply

  27. Medication, therapy, mindfulness meditation, exercise, regular sleep schedule, gratitude exercises, journaling… all of it, as much of the time as I can manage. [And you can’t start doing everything at once.] You don’t forcibly silence the negative thoughts, just give yourself space to step outside them and look at them analytically. Sometimes that lets you break the cycle, sometimes it lets you dial the negative response back in proportion to the negative event or perception that triggered it.

    And yes, it’s work and it takes energy. Depression is part of you – that negative cycle uses the same creative and intellectual tools that you bring to every other kind of thinking. Part of the trick is to work on building up the other kinds of thinking. Replacing “never” and “always” with “sometimes” and “maybe” in your inner voice is an exercise that’s worth a try.

    Reply

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