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Ghausia Rashid Salam says
The end says that the rapist “got his rocks off” for a few minutes. From my understanding, that phrase indicates sexual satisfaction. But rape isn’t about sexual satisfaction, it’s about power. So I’m uncomfortable with how it ends.
First off, getting a momentary power high isn’t somehow better than getting sexual satisfaction. Second, it is more often about sexual satisfaction than power. That’s why so many men don’t even UNDERSTAND that rape is a problem. To them it’s just a bit of fun. That’s where the idea of the person saying no, but their body saying yes came from.
Mind you, some rape is about power, and some is about both, but the ending of this comic is true for many situations.
Actually, it’s not about power.
“Do you like hurting other people?”
–> Richard, Hotline Miami.
Some people do. Many of them also like sex. Rape is a way to satisfy both cravings (hurting someone else, and sex) with one act, in effect, killing two birds with one stone. In fact, actual surveys on randomly selected people found that self-admitted rapists make 2% of the population and admit to 40% of self-admitted violent but nonsexual offenses and 90% of self-admitted violent offenses in the survey. And what’s more, they’re quite aware that what they’re doing is wrong and those who haven’t been arrested yet will brag about how they’re so smart they’ve managed to evade capture. What we have is a handful of multirecidivists who know they’re hurting people, and whom will proudly tell you all about how they evade police attention, and commit such a disproportionate share of violent offense in general it’s not even funny.
Most men understand deeply that rape is a problem. Most men have been conditioned from birth to be mindful of even accidentally hurting a woman, so much that they won’t even defend themselves if one came at them with a 6 inches serrated knife. In the unlikely event that he does, every bystander that has visual confirmation will kick the shit out of him for daring to hurt a woman.
It gets even worse. Most men have such a deep instinct for how horrible rape is that they’ll do their best to neutralise anyone they think *might* be a rapist. The Innocence Project has helped acquit more men wrongfully convicted of sexual offense than every. Other. Crime. Combined. Even without a conviction, extrajudicial execution happens all too often. Just ask Emmet Till.
In fact, let’s get over the Nuremberg Laws real quick. Specifically, Article 3.
“Jews may not employ in their households female subjects of the state of German or related blood who are under 45 years old.”
Yeah, to turn your next door neighbour into a foe, you start a wicked propaganda campaign to paint him as a rapist. But how could that work, since so many men don’t even understand rape is a problem?
And so I thank you. By painting all men as rapists, you have effectively become an arms dealer who has given not one, but *two* rapists a gun they pointed directly at my head. Both knew in a straight fight, I’d win. Both extracted compliance by threatening me, because, hey, “you’re a man so you’re a rapist”.
And with that, goodbye.
Anne Andres says
Ghasia Rashid Salam – I agree to an extent. Not all sexual assault is necessarily violent (or in a power way), but can also be in what the attacker thinks is a ‘well, she isn’t saying no’ type of thing. It can be a very ugly line, and I think this particular page may allude to that. If not, and it is about the force nature, then yeah, I agree entirely that that phrasing is poor.
A.j. Ermenc says
Having that power over someone can be their way of “getting their rocks off”. And really, from the victim’s point of view, I don’t think it matters.
I completely agree.
Felis D says
And this is why, to my mind, rapists and abusers (sexual, physical or emotional) are the lowest scum of the earth.
Angel Parker says
If they stoop low enough to sexually assault, they won’t care how much damage they cause you. It’s sickening but it’s THEIR choice. They choose to violate and abuse. I want to know what motivates them to actually go through with it. Fantasy? Repeating what was done to them? Drugs?
Jenny Islander says
Telling themselves all kinds of stories about how other people might be rapists but they aren’t, they’re just [fill in the blank], with optional assertion that what they do is OK because their targets [fill in the blank].
TRIGGERY STUFF AHEAD, JUST TO LET YOU KNOW.
My rapist said that “A fuck ain’t nothin’ but a handshake.” He liked to shake hands with his daughters.
Very few people bad people understand that they are bad people, sadly. I’m so sorry to hear that happened to you.
That’s true. They could’ve stopped at any time but they didn’t,
“Do you like hurting other people?”
–>Richard, Hotline Miami
They care about how much damage they cause. That’s literally the draw to them. Some people just like hurting other people. Some of them like sex.
Two birds, one stone.
Ghausia Rashid Salam says
Anne I agree with you to an extent, because we’re seeing the comic from the survivor’s perspective, yes? So on that count it isn’t a “no means seduce me” perspective from the rapist. That’s what unsettled me. And A.J I think the word you’re looking for is survivor, not victim! 🙂
A.j. Ermenc says
Fair enough Ghausia, although I think there’s no choice in being a victim whereas there is some choice in being a survivor. But that argument detracts from the comic’s intent of showing how a few minutes for one person can be a lifetime for another.
depression comix says
1) “getting one’s rocks off” can mean “enjoyment” e.g. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=get%20your%20rocks%20off, especially in America. I think the UK English definition is a little more stricter in this sense, but I’m not from there.
2) from an victim’s point of view, I don’t think considering the assailant’s psychological motives would be a priority.
3) Rape as a pure act of power makes it another violent act like torture or physical abuse. It is something a quite different, and something that does not require violence or overt power to happen (e.g. spousal sexual assault, assault done with alcohol and drugs). This is a good article about why removing the sexual element from rape takes away from what makes rape an especially horrifying crime: http://thethinkingasexual.wordpress.com/2014/05/01/why-the-desexualization-of-rape-is-problematic/
This breaks my heart. It’s happened to so many women. I hate everything about it. It’s important to say this stuff, Clay, and I give you credit for doing so. I hate the fact that it needs to be said.
Wow! This just about sums it up.
I, too, was uncomfortable with “got his rocks off”.
That phrase immediately brought up a horrendous image in my mind that, while it was happening, and prior to me disassociating and leaving my body, of the rapist with a sadistic, determined look on his face (he forced me to look at him).
Felis D says
Identifying that power is the true motive behind rape doesn’t take away the sexual element from it, I don’t think. It is literally the most invasive way to harm a person. More so than hitting them. A person with a need to have control over another person would definitely get off on that more so than your average bully or abusive partner.
As this is from the survivor’s point of view, we don’t need to debate how rapists divvy up their satisfaction
Thank you. <3
You’re very welcome.
Ellen Ross says
I am reluctant to share this only because it may be triggering for some of my friends, but I see so much truth in this.
Ellen, it was a bit triggering for me (ptsd rearing its ugly head). But even more than that, it summed up so perfectly how many of us feel, and it is incredibly validating; and therefore, may serve to help heal.
Knowing in the “after”, we are not alone and that other victims / survivors go through the same thing. Wow!
All the horrible cruel messages we have received: ” just get over it”, “forget about it”, ” it happened X years ago, why does it still affect you” holds no power, because Clay acknowledged a “Lifetime”.
(So if I get a break, and get to enjoy the next 30-40 years of my life, yay! A bonus!!)
Your compassion is also very heartfelt and greatly appreciated.
Unfortunately I’ve received some myself including “It’s no big deal.”
Seditious Spyke says
This comments section…
Kurt Onstad says
Great comic as always. Just a little note; perhaps you should put the “Trigger Warning” above the comic instead of below.
This entire website are comics about depression, etc. The entire website is a trigger warning….
Excellent work, Clay. Thank you for this website and all these comics.
Yes, I did have trigger warnings on the site at one point but I actually had arguments with people about what constitutes a trigger warning. There is no statement as to what requires a trigger warning from an authoritative psychological source so in the end I ended the practice. On Tumblr where I have to be more careful, the warnings are still there, but then again Tumblr is more of a shared blog than this would be.
Kurt, assuming you came here from the Tumblr or Facebook mirror, the problem is that with both those networks it always puts the image at the top in front of any text that I put into it. It’s a limitation of the network, and not much I can do about it except put it into the image itself. In defense of myself for the Tumblr mirror, there are trigger warning tags in the footer that can be picked up by Tumblr Savior.
Julia Davis says
Becky Plant says
Thaddeus T. Surgington III says
its said it looks like someone i know and actually happens have those scars
I was 5.
Biggles (@Taco_Lad) says
“Whatever Harm Done”
If you don’t follow @depressioncomix yet, you should.
This is why we advocate for people carrying weapons. Anything you can use to defend yourself, keep it at your side wherever you can.
Not always a good idea. Someone big and strong enough to hold you down and rape you is big and strong enough to forcibly take away the weapon and use it on you. And you have to train with the weapon to know how to use it, and be willing to use it.