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Story/Art © 2017 Clay

192 "If I swerved into the opposite lane ... "

Recurring Characters

Published July 5, 2014 36 Comments

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Comments

  1. Adam SpacemouseAdam Spacemouse says

    July 5, 2014 at 6:21 am

    Literally every time I get in a car.

    1
    Reply
  2. Sarah HowsonSarah Howson says

    July 5, 2014 at 6:29 am

    That just hit me hard coz I’ve been in that exact place. Whichever path you choose its hard to feel better 🙁

    Reply
  3. Scott BatemanScott Bateman says

    July 5, 2014 at 6:35 am

    At least twice a week. My son is what keeps me grounded.

    Reply
  4. Alex KramerAlex Kramer says

    July 5, 2014 at 6:38 am

    Yup.

    Reply
  5. Robert HowardRobert Howard says

    July 5, 2014 at 6:38 am

    I’ve been there, though more with the mind playing through the scenario of what would happen in that situation.

    Reply
  6. Clover ZiHui OoiClover ZiHui Ooi says

    July 5, 2014 at 6:55 am

    It’s creepy how these comics are very spot on sometimes

    1
    Reply
  7. Mic says

    July 5, 2014 at 6:56 am

    Very sadly true …

    Reply
  8. Pedro RamiresPedro Ramires says

    July 5, 2014 at 7:00 am

    Come on everypony smile smile smile

    Reply
  9. Melly HowarthMelly Howarth says

    July 5, 2014 at 8:07 am

    And the dark humor of how I’m someone’s child, part of someone’s family, someone’s friend and yet I’m okay with the ideation towards myself in those moments.

    1
    Reply
  10. Just SloanJust Sloan says

    July 5, 2014 at 8:14 am

    Feels. Yeah.

    Reply
  11. Sean McFarlandSean McFarland says

    July 5, 2014 at 9:45 am

    Yeah the guilt is pretty bad with that for me. Or just off the side of a highway.

    Reply
  12. Michelle BhoolaiMichelle Bhoolai says

    July 5, 2014 at 9:47 am

    Truth

    Reply
  13. Cerri DwennCerri Dwenn says

    July 5, 2014 at 2:06 pm

    This.

    Reply
  14. Scott says

    July 5, 2014 at 4:06 pm

    Never been tempted to swerve into traffic for precisely this reason. When I wanted to kill myself, I always wanted to do it in a way that would hurt no one but me.

    But how would I do that? My parents would probably be the ones to find the body. I’ve been nothing but a useless burden to them alive, but what would it do to them if they found me dead like that? Do I keep hurting them by staying alive or hurt them in a new way by killing myself?

    So I stayed alive, loathing myself for it while also loathing myself for thinking of suicide. No matter what I was thinking, there was always lots of room for self-hatred.

    1
    Reply
    • Volkai (@Volkai) says

      August 13, 2014 at 11:29 pm

      This sort of this is definitely what has kept me alive and (phsyically) well on multiple occasions.

      Reply
  15. Angel ZomgwtfbbqAngel Zomgwtfbbq says

    July 5, 2014 at 5:14 pm

    These comics… Surprise me with accuracy

    Reply
  16. Leland DraperLeland Draper says

    July 6, 2014 at 2:35 am

    I think I have had this exact mental debate more than once.

    Reply
  17. diruscanis says

    July 7, 2014 at 11:52 am

    19 years old, driving home, on a bridge that curved a bit…all I had to do was *not* turn and I’d go off of it. Last second thought in my head, that my dad would be pissed that I’d destroy his car… yea, i’ve been here too.

    Reply
  18. Anon E Moose says

    July 8, 2014 at 12:42 pm

    I think the worst part is that when you think like this and try to explain to people that you have suicidal thoughts but due to your own nagging guilt have never been able to go through with it; I’ve found a lot of times they don’t believe me. Times like that it gets harder for guilt to be enough.

    Great comic, as always. Some relate and others don’t. This one did in a big way.

    Reply
  19. Kageashi says

    July 11, 2014 at 12:39 am

    I don’t *think* I’ve ever had that thought about swerving into the other lane… but I have had a number involving driving into walls or off the end of boating slips. If it weren’t for the love of my car – which I hope will still be on the road after I’m gone – there are times I would have done it.

    …that’s a sign of being seriously messed up, isn’t it? Love of one’s car more than one’s self?

    Reply
  20. Meghan MoralesMeghan Morales says

    July 11, 2014 at 7:19 am

    oh how scary the number of times i have considered this in my life David

    Reply
  21. Shebardigan says

    July 11, 2014 at 10:26 am

    I, an engineer, had it all pretty well figured out.

    Requirements: Nobody hurt but me, the end comes quickly, and the insurance pays off so that spouse is much better off.

    Plan: [not disclosed].

    To my amazement and dismay, when I revealed the plan to her, she completely nixed it. Bummer.

    A couple of months later I stumbled into a research project at Wayne State where I got a diagnosis and some treatment. Thirty years later I still have some of the ideation, but not making any concrete plans.

    Reply
  22. Erebus Rubric says

    July 19, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    Hugs to everyone who commented because they can relate.

    Reply
  23. Ghausia Rashid SalamGhausia Rashid Salam says

    July 25, 2014 at 2:23 am

    Every single time I think, this is it, I’m done. And I think of the lives destroyed with my loss, so I don’t, and hate myself for being selfless, and feel guilty for hating that I’m not selfish enough to end my pain even if it hurts too many around me.

    Reply
  24. Cleverwabbit says

    August 4, 2014 at 11:27 pm

    This is so spot on. I do this with walking into traffic. Or I pray something will swerve onto the sidewalk and kill me. So long as my dog isn’t with me so she doesn’t get hurt . Really breaks my heart, that I really do want this.

    Reply
  25. Barbara GerwaldBarbara Gerwald says

    September 12, 2014 at 5:43 pm

    this = depression

    Reply
  26. Anghor says

    December 2, 2014 at 11:15 am

    I know this feeling well. Driving is pretty much the only activity that has remained enjoyable for me through several ups and downs so far, but for some time I was scared of driving. Afraid that I would lose focus for just one second and subconciously swerve into the oncoming traffic. I still remember that one time when I was accelerating to pass a car in front of me on a highway (Germany, Autobahn) and almost panicked because I got much closer than I felt comfortable before changing into the passing lane. I was going 140, the other car 90 at most. That memory still sends shivers down my spine. Sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if my best friend hadn’t been in the car with me that night.

    Reply
  27. j says

    December 26, 2014 at 8:07 pm

    well not to oncoming traffic but definitely thought about ramming my car to a wall or something. and if it’s not an immediate death, i also told myself that i won’t even try to stay alive.

    Reply
  28. @LeVengeurSlippe says

    April 11, 2015 at 10:56 pm

    Causer de l’actualité en retard, mais osef. Pourquoi l’histoire du pilote dépressif me paraît vraiment étrange : http://t.co/I1l60KL4hk

    Reply
  29. Neko SeabridgeNeko Seabridge says

    May 9, 2015 at 6:19 pm

    Ghausia Rashid Salam I didnt know you think this way to <3

    Reply
  30. Ninez says

    May 18, 2015 at 6:40 am

    I drive over a bridge twice a day, and along with some wooded areas down a steep embankment, where the likelyhood of harming anyone is almost nil. I also used to work 2nd shift when the drive was nice and dark @ night, with a lot of deer that could be cited as a reason why I swerved so sharply. So everyday, it took everything I had to keep my wheels on the road on my way home.

    Reply
  31. Shebardigan says

    May 18, 2015 at 7:20 am

    Wow. Yeah. If life partner had not vetoed the plan I would have been there quite a while back.

    Reply
  32. C says

    June 14, 2015 at 8:38 am

    Every off ramp: “I wonder how fast I can go before hitting that wall/barrier”.

    Reply
  33. Dominic says

    December 24, 2015 at 1:02 am

    Yes, I don’t want others to go down with me.

    Reply
  34. Tom says

    January 14, 2018 at 1:03 am

    Call of the void
    “L’appel du vide”

    Reply
  35. jackmarten says

    April 20, 2018 at 3:07 am

    miss … ponytail glasses, some evil is needed and if you weren’t the one to make some creatures lose their lives someone else WILL
    if there is a possibility of something bad to happen IT WILL HAPPEN!
    so if you were the one to kill that “family” crash your car and possibly die, you will be the winner, if HOWEVER you managed to survive and no one died … it’s a lose – win situation YES you couldn’t die but at least you did not kill anyone either
    and if you DO kill someone .. who cares? they might have been suffering depression like you or could suffer it eventually so …
    you would have made an unreal favor by killing them with you!

    Reply

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