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Story/Art © 2017 Clay

139 "One thing when you start to recover ... "

Recurring Characters

Published August 24, 2013 22 Comments

depcom.139.col.400px

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Comments

  1. Kyaira says

    August 24, 2013 at 9:21 am

    I know that’s the hardest part is living with all the things you’ve fucked up. How do you live with that? In addition to all the guilt I feel for no fucking reason now I have the guilt from ruining the people I love’s lives. It’s a perfect example of why they would be better off without me.

    2
    Reply
    • clay says

      August 25, 2013 at 7:17 am

      It’s really really difficult. Looking back, I wonder how people put up with me for so long. But one (of many) good thing about recovery is the knowledge that it doesn’t have to be that way in the future. But for now, that’s little good when we understand that we’re standing in a pile of our own bullshit that we have to clean up.

      4
      Reply
      • Einy says

        April 4, 2021 at 5:44 am

        I wonder if I ever tidy up my room. Not (just) metaphorically, I mean pick up all the rubbish and use the vacuum cleaner I bought a year ago. The rest would be easy…

        Reply
  2. Cynthia says

    August 24, 2013 at 11:28 am

    Oh yeah, this is probably one of the worst parts of the whole depression adventure

    1
    Reply
  3. R. says

    August 24, 2013 at 11:44 am

    This is exactly where I am. I’m just barely enough out the depression to see how much I screwed up at work/life. It’s overwhelming enough to pull me back down, most days. Ugh.

    1
    Reply
    • clay says

      August 25, 2013 at 7:26 am

      It really is, and it’s really sad. It’s like waking up from a terrible nightmare only to realize that it wasn’t a nightmare but a reality. But it’s also important to remember that being able to see the damage is a good step — those totally encompassed by depression can’t.

      Reply
  4. Dave says

    August 24, 2013 at 10:45 pm

    If it’s after, then it’s easier to view things a little bit more optimistically, like: At least it’s after recovery, some may never get the chance to come out of it. A lot of it was maybe by us, but a lot of it doesn’t and that’s important for the self-esteem I feel. It depends on how supporting is the surrounding, but I think things are definitely going up from that point someone is through the worst.

    Reply
    • clay says

      August 25, 2013 at 7:24 am

      Recovery sucks, but not recovering sucks even more (this is the next strip by the way, it was supposed to be paired with this one but I didn’t get it finished in time).

      1
      Reply
  5. Koz says

    August 28, 2013 at 12:29 am

    This reminds me of when I was really sunk in it. Pink Floyd The Wall was my go-to metaphor. And one day I looked up and was like, damn bitch, you sure blocked yourself in awfully good. It’s like the difference between a solid, snug life and a big black prison of doom.
    Whatever, I’m metaphor-tarded. Keep up the brilliant work.

    Reply
    • clay says

      August 30, 2013 at 6:41 am

      Someone on Tumblr reblogged this comic and added the lyrics to “Outside the Wall” to the end. And there’s a strip or two that alludes to The Wall as well. I’ve always thought of The Wall as a metaphor for depression myself, with its themes of self-isolation, bullying, self-harm, and suicide.
      Thank you for the kind words!

      Reply
      • Jackieflash says

        May 21, 2014 at 12:31 am

        Well considering that “The Wall” was written about Syd Barrett, the first Floyd lead singer, who cracked from mental illness and drugs, I’d say we depressives can relate to a lot of it. That movie shows clearly that self-medicating with drugs and alcohol doesn’t work!

        Reply
  6. lifeofarunner2010 says

    September 21, 2013 at 5:40 am

    This comic is so awesome. In some ways it really sucks that I can relate to it so easily, but at the same time it’s reassuring to know I’m not the only one who has ever felt this way.

    Reply
  7. Mike says

    October 9, 2013 at 3:30 am

    Don’t know why I comment. I just know that when I read this I feel happy that someone else knows what it’s like, but extremely sad that I recognize it perfectly.
    Continuing the metaphor, at the moment I am at the stage where I rebuilt part of my house, but for some reason a couple of weeks ago I decided that tearing down a few walls was a good idea. Now I have to start rebuilding all over again, and I don’t know if I have the strength to do it.

    Reply
    • Alan says

      January 28, 2014 at 9:43 pm

      Know how that feels!

      Reply
  8. S.H. says

    December 28, 2013 at 8:27 am

    I sent this to a colleague and she wrote back “What you’ve rebuilt is better than with what you started.”

    That was shocking.

    Reply
    • clay says

      December 29, 2013 at 11:04 pm

      I’d say. I don’t believe that for a second. What I rebuilt came with a whole lot of regret and forever lost friends with it.

      Reply
      • tangentsreviews says

        January 10, 2014 at 12:14 pm

        There are “friends,” and there are friends. Forever lost “friends” are probably better lost. And I say that as someone who clings to his friends with great tenacity and doesn’t know when to quit. Which probably annoys some of those who wish I would. ^^;;

        Reply
        • clay says

          May 4, 2015 at 1:12 pm

          When people say things like you are you are making it seem like losing some friends is a good thing, like depression is just trimming the weeds. I assure you it isn’t.

          Reply
  9. Sevey says

    April 23, 2014 at 8:02 am

    The problem with recurrent depression, is that you’re always trying to build things up again because you keep on razzing things to the ground. I have lost plenty of freiendships and the “friends” I have now are the ones who really don’t know me.

    Reply
  10. @Foxhack says

    November 10, 2014 at 7:56 am

    139 http://t.co/jwsh02VV4V via @depressioncomix

    Reply
  11. @MetagameKnight says

    February 11, 2015 at 8:29 am

    @ichimorango http://t.co/6zTLENFQaC

    1
    Reply
  12. jackmarten says

    April 12, 2018 at 8:53 am

    i’d rather remain the way i am and die the way i am without recovering if this much of destruction will be left by me behind my back

    Reply

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