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This is the exact way I feel.
This one hits very close to home. I have even researched painless and as close to sure fire way to do it. One thing that scares me more then living the way I am right now is trying to end the pain and failing. Its hard enough trying to just keep living, I cant imagine life after a failed attempt. dying does not scare me, trying a failing terrifies me.
Yeah, same. I would like to NOT fail at something for once in my life. And I want to go out painlessly. I’m in so much pain now, why make it worse in the end? And if I DO fail, all I’m going to get is fake support and criticism and people letting me know how much I’m a fuckup.
This may sound very macabre but it worked for me: Use your self hate for your advantage. You don’t deserve a painless death. Imagine the worst kind of death possible. Slow and painfull. THIS will be the way you end your life. Self incineration is my way.
Now you have one thing less to think about and maybe the expectation of incredible Pain will stop your suicidal thoughts.
When things got so bad that I wanted to go beyond the fantasy and actually kill myself, I found I had no volition left, so I was unable to take any action at all. This helped me quite a bit. If you know that you cannot commit suicide, you don’t dwell on it as much.
Hi to one and all,
“What keeps me alive?”
Since my mother’s suicide nearly 40 years ago around the time of my 18th birthday effected so much… And since my father nearly overdosed on his pain meds due to the agony he experienced during his last days with terminal lymphoma only 5 short years ago this coming December…
Because of how this has effected and still effects me, especially my mother’s death, I have not wanted anyone else to experience even the minutest portion of anything similar. I must hasten to add that I also have had days or moments when I have wanted to… BUT have always kept in mind that when I get to join them “upstairs”, since I have said to myself, “I will never let anyone else feel like this,” I have never wanted to face them having done the same…
So what “keeps me alive” is the thought of facing them after a lifetime of saying that I would never do that to anyone else. Also even in the depths of despair for some 24 years now have had the support that in spite or despite myself there is someone who loves me eternally… [And that is not anyone of my friends or relations that have gone before…] I know that I know that if I did not now have Him in my life I would have… So even though the last of my close relatives has now died [My brother when he was at a kibbutz died in an accident on a night out over 26 or so years ago.] and I am alone there is always something more than all this… [Whatever “all this” maybe in any person’s life…!]…
Peace and love to you and yours from,
P.S.: Am using UK English spellings!
P.P.S.: Many thanks Clay this is the first time, due to your comix, I have been able to put something ‘out there’!
Krybaby Kitty Kat says
This on is my favorite out of all the Comix. It’s definitely something most people suffering with Depression can relate to.
Elie Hirschman says
OMG this. THIS THIS THIS THIS
OMG. This is me. This has been me for 50 years.
i have been searching for many ways and i got some!
gun shot to the head from the ear to the ear since one from the front could be survived
hung from a high fall it’ll snap your neck you won’t feel anything
over doze anything
suffocation while sleeping
the list goes on
why haven’t i died yet?
waiting for the right time that’s all