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I’ve known someone who I told that I was suicidal… all she did was telling me that if I took my own life, I’d be a coward because I can’t keep up with life. >_>
In my case cowardice saves. I’ve stood in this place near where I live willing myself to jump so many times, too much a coward.
and what if i am a coward? at least i will be the coward who took the easy way to hell while idiots remained alive in this living hell
Tannin Schwartzstein says
If worrying about your earthly reputation keeps you topside, that’s fine, I guess. For me, it’s like an old balance scale. Eventually, there will just be more weight on the “stop living” side than the “continue living side”. I am doing what I know how to do to manipulate the weights to be greater on the “continue living side”. I love my life partner very much, my animal companions… some people would be sad if I ended my life. However, I interact with very few people in a positive way now. I feel like I am dormant or just spinning wheels between one little crisis and the next. The longer I continue to exist this way, the more things I leave half done or unfinished. I am hoping to change that. If I can’t, I’m pretty sure I will know when it will be time to be done. I may not live to see past my next birthday, and I am trying to come to peace with that if I can.