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I’ve known someone who I told that I was suicidal… all she did was telling me that if I took my own life, I’d be a coward because I can’t keep up with life. >_>
In my case cowardice saves. I’ve stood in this place near where I live willing myself to jump so many times, too much a coward.
and what if i am a coward? at least i will be the coward who took the easy way to hell while idiots remained alive in this living hell
If worrying about your earthly reputation keeps you topside, that’s fine, I guess. For me, it’s like an old balance scale. Eventually, there will just be more weight on the “stop living” side than the “continue living side”. I am doing what I know how to do to manipulate the weights to be greater on the “continue living side”. I love my life partner very much, my animal companions… some people would be sad if I ended my life. However, I interact with very few people in a positive way now. I feel like I am dormant or just spinning wheels between one little crisis and the next. The longer I continue to exist this way, the more things I leave half done or unfinished. I am hoping to change that. If I can’t, I’m pretty sure I will know when it will be time to be done. I may not live to see past my next birthday, and I am trying to come to peace with that if I can.