depression comix

Story/Art © 2017 Clay

9 "Remember that time ... "

Published 19 Comments

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English
PANEL 1:
— What a great day … I feel good!
PANEL 2:
… Psst.
— ?
PANEL 3:
… Remember that time, twelve years ago, when you did that really stupid, embarrassing thing?
Svenska
PANEL 1:
— Vilken fin dag… Jag mår bra.
PANEL 2:
… Psst.
— ?
PANEL 3:
… Kommer du ihåg den där gången för tolv år sen, när du gjorde den där riktigt pinsamma och korkade saken?
(Translation by Canis Lupus)
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Comments

  2. At least once every day.

    Torture.

    sometimes I’ll actually squint, or grunt, or put my face in my hands. If someone notices I say I thought I was going to sneeze, or have a headache.

    If I’m alone in the car? I will just scream out a cuss word. I wonder if this is Tourette’s? Or if it doesn’t even have a name other than “intense irrational shame over stupid shit that doesn’t matter,” and I’m just even more fucked up than I thought? :/

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      • Me too, sometimes the shame noise is almost and distressing as the thought, and then I get to overthink that.

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    • HOLY SHIT I’M NOT ALONE
      The difference being I can remember doing this quite early in my childhood. I’m also pretty sure that I consciously developed it as a coping mechanism for these bad memories. Back when I was a kid I would strain my muscles and lock my joints for a couple of seconds, making me feel uncomfortable, and then relax when the “outburst” was over. As I became a teenager, it became sudden movements and screams. This made me worried I developed Tourette’s (also why I relate so much to your comment). As of now the outbursts are sudden movements or me shouting out the last words that were circling around in my mind.
      But as you described, these things are more subdued if you’re in a public environment.
      The result of the outburst is that you get rid of a lot of the tension that was building up due to the memory, and although you feel a bit shitty afterwards, the memory you had is suppressed, or at least the embarrassment from it.
      I just really had to get this out. All of these observations. I think that it’s actually the first time I even used the words “bad memory” in this context (it’s what I call these episodes; a leftover from me describing it when I was young). During my therapy sessions my therapist didn’t know about these reactions, so I felt so isolated. I just wanted a name for the things that went on my head, be it “depression” or whatever.

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    • One of the words for this is “cringe”. There is even a slang word for a cringing episode a.k.a. “cringe attack” (found on urbandictionary.com).
      Glad (and sorry) I’m not the only sufferer of this type of thing.

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    • Wow, I can’t believe other people do this. There’s one event in particular from close to six years ago that drives me crazy, even though the last time I’ve spoken to anyone who knows about it was a couple months after it happened. If I’m alone, I shout out “no, no” or “stop”. Sometimes I even find myself saying it if someone’s there, or else grimace or wave my hand as if I’m trying to brush away gnats. When my husband asks what’s wrong I say “the past” but he doesn’t understand, even though I explain in detail. I never mentioned it to my therapist either because I don’t really even know how to explain it. Feels good to know someone out there feels the same way.

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  4. I did not know this was part of depression. I just through it was me and I just needed to get over it. I am not alone and I am not crazy.

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  6. Woah. I am scared that I can relate to many of these comics. Stuff I’ve done years ago still bother me but then again, isn’t that what people expect of you? The people you’ve hurt or annoyed… they dont want you forgetting what you did. And they’ll still hate you for it. Or at least try to avoid you because of it.

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  7. Thank you for this comic, for the entire series, but this specific one hit home with me. I’ve done a lot of stupid stuff in my life; everyone has. When it comes back and nags at you, you just want to hide from the world in embarrassment. And it will come back and nag you, even decades after the original event, even after everyone else involved has forgotten about it. It’s enough to make you want to give up on trying anything new, to try to blend into the background and become invisible.

    While I am sorry it’s happened to other people, knowing that does ease the burden on my own mind. It’s so common it’s almost normal. Chances are, anyone else involved in whatever incident your mind is dredging up has long since forgotten about it. The past shouldn’t bog down the present.

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